Alone, But Not Lonely
Why is it easier to do some things alone over others? It might feel natural to go to the beach solo, while dinner at a restaurant can feel uncomfortable.
Spending time alone in public doesn’t always come easy. What comes up for you? Do you feel bored or judged by others? Do you feel exposed or unsafe? Or do you relish in your own company?
I suppose it’s embedded deep in our survival instincts to have a pack mentality, safety in numbers. Keeping a busy social/work calendar can also be a convenient way of avoiding ourselves and the things we should be reflecting on. But we also know and crave the grounding experience that quality “me-time” can bring.
Traveling solo overseas didn’t appeal to me until early last year. I met some people doing it regularly and watching them, it dawned on me- hey! I could do this too! I recognised that unfounded assumptions and anxieties had been holding me back, and they felt less scary now. I was ready to have my own adventure! What a gift to give myself- to curate a trip just for me.
What I love most about solo travel, is the ability to really take in my surroundings and follow my curiosity and desires, without my attention being split on someone else. It connects me to my intuition and allows me to observe and face the resistance that can come up in travel. To question my behaviours and learn about myself. To go on an inner journey, as well as an outer one.
It’s always interesting to observe people’s reactions to my solo travel. A question I get asked a lot- do I get lonely? No! I meet far more people traveling alone than I have when accompanied. I’m usually surrounded by people, connecting with them in small and big ways, or if I’m out in nature, I consider the presence of the natural world as amazing company.
Sure, there are moments when I’ve felt self-conscious being alone, like my first night in Hanoi, watching groups of people have fun while I quietly ate my meal.
I also felt a little out of place at a resort surrounded by loved up couples. I found myself criticising their insular behaviour, before recognising I was just jealous. I chose to surrender to these moments, found ways to enjoy my own company, and before long, I connected with someone new and was ready for some me- time again! We can get caught up in the grass is greener mindset, instead of enjoying what’s available to us in the present moment.
So, if solo travel feels daunting to you, I invite you to start small. Treat it like a practise. Your confidence and enjoyment will build the more you do it. Take yourself on a date to the art gallery this weekend. Try a new class or enjoy a meal out, just you. Book a retreat or a weekend away, and indulge in yourself! I think we could all benefit from investing more in our relationship with ourselves. To stop being so stingy, and give ourselves permission to do something alone that we’d normally wait to share with another.
Inspired to book a solo trip?
Check out my recent conversation with author and travel writer, Nina Karnikowski, as we discuss how to create a trip that will expand and inspire us, along with the communities and cultures we immerse ourselves in.