She’s Lost Control
“You don’t need to believe there is a god directing the universe, you just need to stop believing that you’re that director. As soon as you can attune your spirit to that idea, the easier and happier your life will be, because you will have given up the most potent addiction of all: control.”
- Ryan Holiday
Reflecting on the theme from my October newsletter, I asked myself- where am I out of alignment with my authenticity? Brené Brown defines authenticity as the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. So at its core, authenticity is the practise of acceptance. And the antithesis of acceptance? Control.
To control is to order, limit, or rule something, or someone's actions or behaviour. It’s the ability or power to decide or strongly influence the particular way in which something will happen or someone will behave, or the condition of having such ability or power. (Cambridge)
These last few weeks I’ve been observing all the ways I try to control time, money, energy, my environment, my relationships and of course, myself. I’ve noticed how control is based on predictions, assumptions, comparisons and expectations- that if I do X, I’ll get X result. And each day, without fail, the variables filter in and life unfolds organically.
In my journal at night, I notice I’ve felt appreciative, relaxed and content when I’ve accepted the natural progression of the day. And when I’ve tried to control things, I’ve felt exhausted, unsatisfied, disappointed and judgemental of everything that should have been done differently.
I can clearly see that the illusion of control and self-sufficiency aren’t working for me, so I’ve been handing over the reins to life. Here- you take care of today. I don’t see this as an act of passivity because acceptance requires strength, trust, grace and above all, faith.
The deeper I’ve dived into the mysteries of creativity, the more I’ve surrendered to the idea of co-creation. That I’m creating my life with the help and guidance of something far more powerful and intelligent than me. I guess people call this ‘spirituality’.
When I get scared, feel irresponsible or full of doubt, I consult my ‘guidance’; a tool I was recently gifted by Julia Cameron in her book Seeking Wisdom. I ask my guidance questions in my notebook. I ask from the vulnerable and authentic part of myself, fully accepting where I’m at and who I am right now. I sit in stillness and silence, hear the answers within me and write them down. I’m always answered by a loving and kind voice; wise, simple and to the point.
Co-creating with this guidance has taught me to trust in life, as I’m always met with the reassurance I need. I’m shown again and again that everything is unfolding in my favour, in a way that is ultimately best for me. Each moment a gift of love and support, from something with a greater perspective than I could ever have or understand.
Conversations with Guidance
JC (Jessie Clare) – Dear Guidance, I was on my phone for too long then because I was feeling lonely. Or was I trying to avoid the to-do list in my head?
A (answer) - What about idle time darling?
JC- It feels like time wasted
A- What if it isn’t. What if it is time well spent. What if everything you spend your time on has equal worth. No one thing ‘better’ then another. What would you do right now if everything was worth your time?
JC- I’d probably keep reading my book
A- Then please, do that.
When I feel tired or overwhelmed, the answer is always the next step forward…
JC- Dear Guidance, what do I do now?
A- Go have a shower.
JC- And then?
A- Come back and ask after you’ve had a shower
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